I will always remember how my parents maintained a strict ethic of “fairness” as they navigated their way raising my brother and me. If my brother sought out some privilege (like staying up later), before agreeing, it had to be clear how this precedent might also apply to me (“when you’re as old as he is, you can too”). There were always the same number of wrapped presents for both of us under the tree – and if not identical (the same stereo), the presents often reflected a relative comparable value (he got a computer; I got a pair of skis). But does this ethic of “fairness” really hold up as time goes on?
How about you? Did your parents carry a similar ethic around fairness in how they treated you in relation to your siblings? If you’re also a parent, what were/are your tactics for treating your children in relation to each other? Tangible efforts like gift-giving may be easier to manage fairly, but what about the more intangible expressions of love and support – does fairness still enter into how you respond?
I still think about my own parenting in fairness terms but it’s important to recognize that fairness is more about perception and not necessarily about reality. The value of something is unique to the person considering that something. Value is then relative to the evaluator. If you received skis when your sibling received a computer, but you didn’t want or need skis while also thinking a computer would be great to have, you might likely complain, “it’s not fair!”
This is the complaint we’ll hear in the parable presented this coming Sunday when vineyard workers get paid the same wage, regardless of how long they had actually toiled away in the vineyard. It’s a deeply provoking parable to come at us in a time when we’re surrounded, drowning really, in a sea of inequitable and unjust systems and practices. There are plenty of ways in which we’re likely to be coming out ahead, but still more than a few where it just doesn’t seem fair.
When the gospel says, “the kingdom of heaven is like…” somebody is describing God’s vision for the world, as this is the case with this parable. Calculating fairness, then, might not be the best way to understand God’s vision. If God is like a generous vineyard owner, perhaps the kingdom is a place where everyone has an opportunity to earn a just and equitable living? And that generosity, by its very nature, will have to look different for each one of God’s children. How might such generosity look for you? A good question for us to wonder on today.
May God’s hope embrace you this day. -Pastor Peter
Let us pray… Parenting God, you love us like no other. As a parent desires to demonstrate fairness to their children, remind us that your vision is much bigger than the presents we give and receive. Help us to provide the greatest value possible to those with whom we hope to be in life-giving and sustaining relationship. Help us find forgiveness when we fall short. May your grace make up the difference. Amen.